Monday, June 10, 2013

#47 X-Ray



1. a. Often, x-rays. a form of electromagnetic radiation, similar to light but of shorter wavelength and capable of penetrating solids and of ionizing gases.

b. Such radiation having wavelengths in the range of approximately 0.1–10 nm.

2. A radiograph made by x-rays.


Every now and then you can just see right through people. Some people are open books. While others are blessed with heightened intuition. You can read every sigh, every glance and every moment of silence. People evolve from a foundation. Mannerisms and behaviors are built on a structure of experiences and choices a person makes throughout their life.

I don't have these. I'm not quite sure how I know this, but I do. Something is different about me. Okay, that may be an over statement. I think I'm the same as the people that I live with, but not like the different people I see every day. They have a...umm...something more. They have a deeper...existence? I'm not sure what it is, but we live on the surface here. I mean physically I think we are underground. We only know what is shown and told to us. They tell us we don't need to know any more than that. Every day I meet and interact with people who are more than that. They know more than this.

I'm not sure when I started writing about it. Every day I go back and read from the day before. I wish I had some way to record how long I have been writing. Today I met with a man who had a critical illness...I had something to do with planned death. We went to San Francisco, to a secure unit off the coast, it looked like my own home...just abandoned. Sam, the man I was with, kept talking about how he wished he could have lived back then. That things would have been different and he wouldn't have had to do what he did. But then he kept talking about an injection; we only get injections when we are sick...I'm not sure what he was talking about. He didn't look sick.

Once we were done with that tour we went back to the city and had a beautiful dinner. He took me back to a hotel, but I don't...that part is lost. It may have been there, but oh well. They tell us every day that what we don't know won't hurt us. It seems like an odd statement because I think it does. I'm not supposed to remember these things. I've asked the others about their days and they just stare at me blankly and continue to eat their pudding.

They train us to understand what these people want. That doesn't sound quite right, but close. It is something like that...programmed maybe. These people we visit are transparent. I understand their intentions and wants, but I never understand why. These people have histories, families and homes. At least ones that mean more to them than mine do. Sam kept mentioning Christine and Kimberly. He talked about them in the past tense; like he hadn't seen them in a long time. Christine had moved on...from what he said. He loved her or at least how I'm supposed to understand it. Why didn't he spend this day with them?

I don't think I will ever see him again. I liked him, he was nice.

It will be whole new adventure tomorrow. Hopefully I will remember more of tomorrow than I did of today. Maybe if I can remember more after my nap, I could piece together my own history and family.

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